Chaos

There are days when I find myself wordless, when I stare at the blinking cursor on the blank screen and freeze. 

It’s not that I have nothing to say. I’ve come to realise that this happens when there are things I can’t say.When the things I really want to put into writing are too deep-dark-secret to be shared with the world. 

This “dishonesty” has put me through a positive feedback loop of self-denial, and even more secrets. 

But how does one write about trauma, without reliving it and the emotions involved? How do I write about the bad things, without sounding like a complainer? 

In 12 Rules for Life, which I’m still plodding through, Jordan Peterson writes about walking the line between Order and Chaos. 

I suppose this same balance has to be found with everything, even in the art of writing. 

The key is being able to harness the chaos of creativity, then applying order to the raw piece of work. 

Too often, I start with order. When it comes to client work, it’s a more efficient way to do things. 

Here are the lines, now colour them in. There’s more structure, fewer variables. Less time wasted. 

Now that I’m attempting other sorts of work, it’s time to embrace Chaos. 

To say, with some level of fear but zero hesitation, “Hello Chaos, my old friend.” 

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