Every single time my life settles into some kind of routine, I start to feel uncomfortable.

There’s a creature inside me that wants to scratch its way out. It doesn’t like being tied down. It wants to be free.

And yet, I’ve found a way to placate it, to say, “This boredom is another challenge to surpass. Find excitement in the mundane.”

I tell it, just another month. And then the next month I tell it the same lie.

I say, we can leave anytime we want. I say, hang on a little longer.

It lets me lie because it knows, this is how we survive. This is how we thrive.

You’re not done yet, I tell it. Finish the job.

And then when the lies stop working, I use positive reinforcement. Do this, and you’ll get to play Sims 3 all day Saturday.

Finish this and you’ll get to work on your book. I’ll let you lie in bed all day and read tomorrow if you just be civil right now.

I’ll let you be a hermit next week. But you need to be social this week.

Tomorrow I’ll let someone choke you while fucking but could you please just be normal for today?

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